Monday, December 3, 2012


I am concubine to the proper
No longer even entertaining the idea
Of expenditure into games that serve to destruct
And it is evangelical to perch and preach within
Growing sickly by the hour in my refuge towards- Virtue.
I don't have even the will to transcribe
All the eloquence of treasured energy
For it seems in days of old, such action proved little
By way of honoring the heart and not the hole.
I am aware now of so many faults
Why now do I wish to abandon my kindness?
I loved so much in weakened states,
Thinking that to tear down rough exteriors
I would earn their reverent favor...
But there was none to be found.
It did not exist, in laying waste to preservation
I gave away my own fortitude
In the now I flail like a pathetic waif
Begging back the strong arm that once suited me:
Muscles that once swore to protect
All that the child in me held dear.
When I was that young,
I learned too early about the slow ache of resistance
Ever wishing under constant duress,
For self-esteem to conquer sensitivity.
This Winter coat is thickening
Reinforcing bitter chill
Bowing back into the sinews,
That leak from darkened corners.
No sense in shying away from dark matter
For t'is irreverent abuse that's sure to follow
Ignorance has nevermore meant bliss
To swill from  that lurid barrel is the folly of the lost.
I am lost no longer in the contemplation of December
Fully aware and tilted forward, into my devastation
I am head-on into the traffic
Fucking off the tepid warnings that have remained quiet
Destined never to solve equations that stood by
Oblivious to the worry, the intention, the imbalance.
I've weakened in absorbing this repetitious, sucker-punched inertia
Might as well pull that last Ace
Put it to good use-
Tomorrow comes quickly
And I am now the wiser.

Sunday, December 2, 2012


The words move forward but no sound
They gel in their silence, protected.
I am two parts transfixed in my attendance-
One pink-hued and slathered in love for such earned patience
The other- drained of the employ of hindsight
Desiring above all to crack the whip of disgust-
.5: unarmored and unafraid, .5: protected in reasoning
But fuck that protection, fear is the reason for its being
I want to fuck off all fear
Fuck it away into nothingness,
Into a forever that I shall never see again
As its motive never once moved beyond that of victimizing.
I want to strap on the boots of a stranger
Walk away from this life and into his foreign tongue
Translating nothing to comprehend naught.
What do I care of coalescing at this point?
Having earned the simple tools it takes to pry authenticity away from arrogance
I care less for being heard than I do to hear myself
I crave equity away from all this noise
...and the company of a faceless trust
A friend who never sought the need to prove his worth
For time would see to it, that his quiet sound be heard above all.
...and it is, today and all the days to follow.
Fuck the perfunctory notions of what time has taught
For that time has been swindled by the teaching of lambs.
I've been bathed in enough norms and mores of others
Tainted from before time had value, to an infant knowing nothing.
Tonight is before me, and the dark is my tableau
I am a hundred years older in these evenings
With even the wrinkles to soften wise smiles
 I am already aware of tomorrow and her lachrymose test
 As each day ages my mind adjusts, maturing in kindness
Forgiving the wasted minutes of the day
Feeling old but with less acuity in the ache of the aged
For the Sage is my Shepard and I shall not want...
Flesh dries like the desert and the more I am aware of the perspiring twist
The easier it becomes to relent upon the relentless
Bidding a hefty 'adieu' to the wasted wetness that never left my side.