Saturday, November 9, 2013

"...that I am."

It is, it is this thing
This 'defiant towards labeling' organism
This Aura of Mine.
This drips in slowly
As though a warm needle were gently pushing through
A landscape made of wax, with a pulse
Welcome, initially, thus the escalation of "Mercury Rising..."
It's novel to me, this funny little unspoken curse
And a curse it is- if I am to remain honest,
And I am. I am.
But a fool to none-the-wiser in claiming that a 'curse' does not become me
Wired for this- this discrimination
Wired to untangle in perpetuity, this attempt at understanding.
But too true, the inherent understatement that 'yes'
...there is something more here than understanding...
The need to Master the facts is cumulative- continual
It is there that I return, suspended in my thirst to define
Locked in a limbo I love.
Questioning everything in silence
This Abyss of intrigue, where the quiet crowns my efforts.
You see, I am stuck in the transition
Not for any other noble reason than 'being'
I am flush here, in the flux of all things unanswered
And it's more sane that they remain this way
Privacy- Adored.
The multitasking of emotional discord is my calling
For I am most familiar here, in the dark foreboding,
...of all that I may, 'suppose'.
Unanswered questions gain in value, their intricacies float nearby
That visual/cerebral liaison has been made affluent in its seclusion
I am making love to concepts daily, even when they pain me
Deep down, I am carnivorously aware of my own aptitude
And I fucking love the Beast that lives here
In this hired flesh, born to do the bidding of this soul
This soul who understood the inequity of the human spirit first,
And then made to love- post trauma.
In satisfaction, I own my conflicted complexities,
Own them to perfection.

Rhetoric, Expanding...

Tongue is tied
Riddle, unsolved.
Rhetoric, expanding.
Yes, so what if I understand
The lessening never appears.
Yes, so what if deep down, it's unfounded?
The patina of piss left behind is unchanged
I can roll these fingers relentlessly
Within the continued bark of this bite
What good has it, will it, can it- done/do me?
I am cloistered in my irrelevance
Darkened permanently from the stigma of elsewhere
Deficiencies grown from emotional rot,
Leaked near me, and I became host to the despair of another.
But, too true, how often can coincidence suffice?
Think not of the lesser, life discriminates EVERYWHERE
You need only possess the capacity to be infected by it-
To buy into its greed.

I am ugly- personified
 I beat into every layer of sensitivity
Pummeled from all angles, inside and out.
Therapy for these contusions roams aloft
On a smooth sea of unrealistic ideals.
This is why and where, the muse gains ground
In this immaterial plane, safety exudes
In a place where potential floats
Awakened to every unnatural bend and contortion
Here- I am perfect,
In all the certainty of my faults
I wiggle away from shady concealment
Warmed in my naked, unworried release
Laughter and the splatter of bullshit both cease to exist
The ache of confinement eases immediately free
I take control of nothing, as the rules of nothing surround me.

This imaginary world where the language is inaudible
I grow ever-loved and admired.
I reflect only acceptance from every exit wound I bare
I am oozing with confidant love
In this place, on any given day
I am gifted by unnatural belief, that hidden deeply within
That soul that dares to see
Can look with open eyes,
At all the experience my pain has afforded me-
And continue in quiet haste, cradling my Being.

Bubble of Conflict

Wrapped in plastic
This History has become, celophane.
Indeed awareness is useful
But what, pray tell, is the answer?
Awareness rids me of nothing
I am merely made all the more defunct
In the aftermath of acknowledgement.
Heat to melt?
But there is no logic there-in
Melted and boiling would then fuse to my skin
More discomfort, molting in, instead of away.
Meanwhile, this pondering is nearing uselessness.
I suffocate under the admonission that more contemplation brings
This is not imagined; I lived these slimy, uncontrollable que's
What 'pawning off' of insecurities made this transference- legal?
For someone has been offended here, in this stark & brightly lit confinement.

Continually fucked by the passing off of inadequacy that was not my own
This is a grave business, discerning who's at fault,
And yet, what gain in more assignment?
Will the toxic wafting odor of blame, rescind this banishment from kindness?

So self-aware, and selfless
This is madness to define
But if I don't-
Only further offending.
Why do I continually give a shit to blur these borders
With logic, sense, understanding, or intelligence?
Truth is,
Life is fucked when the meddling we loathe
Whether administered once or forever
Originates from those that our blood demands we trust.