Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Curl Away... (10-15-12)

There he is again, that archetype of male that has been living beneath my skin since birth.
That masculine component that I long for like no other, to come in strong, and never let me down.
Why.......... there is no why. There is only, 'eventually...'
A time I am sure of, as there will always be the possibility of inviting him in.
Him and many more prototypes that come in so many shapes and sizes.

I am careful these days, to steer clear from clutter.
To veer sharply against the tide of the next onslaught.
...and that's just it, I never make eye contact long enough to entangle the mind of any- I don't want to.
I am done playing games with boys.
Even when the bastards were ten years older than me, they still held fast to their slingshots.
The muscle in my shell has retreated, to a time of recovery and preparation.
For I know that even within the midst of all the memory of my downfalls, I would yet again,
Choose 'yes'.

In that moment when the Yin to the Yang is matched, I am at a loss for 'why not?'

I have been a sexual philanderer when it came to love, but not of the promiscuous end-
No, in fact quite the opposite. I dove into the cliffs, heart turned outwards, ready for all
I will want that again someday, and I won't shy away when it finds me.
I am immune to barriers of the heart when I roam in that realm with another.
Sanctified in our vulnerability, I want to dig in to all he has and trade him for my own.
I pledge well, and you can be sure, when love finds me again for one last time,
I will be ardently aware of everything, and the flow of my plasma will sing in song and glow-
Inwards, outwards, forwards, backwards, all direction, up, out and inside... reverberation without end.

Until that time, I am cloaked, I have no knowledge of anything concerning who this stranger may be.
I only know that while I steady myself throughout each day that passes, I take comfort in my longing.
I have stored away carefully, all the conditioned excess that lay unattended:
Grieving on days like today. The well has deepened considerably and surely shall continue to do so-
As long as I have it in me to believe, Believe in myself, life, love and understanding.

Nothing is in vain, for though I will myself to curl away from love today,
A steady tomorrow is on the rise.

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